George Stern on how to deal with a toxic manager (and not be one yourself)

For this week’s MVP, we’re chatting with George Stern.

Colorado-based business coach and Harvard Law grad George Stern has been a CEO, elected official and even a volunteer firefighter. What has Stern come across in each of these roles? Bad leadership, which is common in every industry and office. Everyone has a bad-boss story (or two), but rarely do they screen-grab the receipts to go viral for eternal internet infamy.

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On Stern’s posts, his 500K-plus followers can see bosses retracting vacation days (“Bit of an awkward one. I need to un-approve your PTO for next week”), trying to guilt employees who resign (“I’m honestly gutted after everything this team has done for you”), acknowledging illness but refusing sick days (“You work from home anyway, so you can just take it easy and work from bed”) and making round-the-clock requests (“Hey, you up?” at 10:47 p.m.).

Don’t do any of the above, managers, but do take Stern’s much-needed advice on how to do better. And if you’re on the employee end of bad-boss behaviour, here’s how to deal.

I suppose because you and I have been emailing to set up this interview, my entire feed is now full of you and bad bosses. Tell me about you.

I’m sorry. I don’t wish bad bosses upon anyone. I’ve had my share because I’ve had a lot of jobs.

I went to Harvard Law but don’t practise, though I keep my law licence active so I can do pro bono work when the cause inspires me. I most recently used my law degree in government, where I held two positions, one at the Colorado state level, and one in the federal government. After that, I started buying companies, and found I loved the leadership challenges that came with all of that.

About two years ago, I started posting on LinkedIn about management and leadership, and then about six months ago, I started doing videos. Someone on LinkedIn sent me a story about a terrible boss, which I turned into a video that went viral. I’ve learned bad bosses are really interesting to folks.

Of all the things to get internet-famous for, why do you think this is the one that stuck?

Bad bosses are a universal shared experience. It’s so relatable. The most common message I get is “I feel so seen now. I no longer feel crazy and alone in this.” People are suffering in silence among these toxic managers and colleagues and feeling like they must be the bad one because no one seems to be picking up on it. Then they see these stories, and it’s like “that exact same thing happened to me. Here’s my story, too.”

What’s your bad boss story?

I have some, of course, but none I can share. They’d be too easily identifiable. I’m doing the “journalist thing” by sharing other people’s stories. My channel features the worst of the worst.

What do you think is the biggest mistake a manager can make?

The number one mistake managers make is forgetting what it was like to be an employee. When they’re employees, they understand that life happens. They understand that there’s stuff that people can’t get to right away, and they expect grace from their manager as well as guidance and support. If they’re doing well as individual contributors, they get promoted into leadership, but they’re usually given no training whatsoever.

Now they’re managing people with the same challenges and wants and desires they had, they forget to ask them how they can support them and mentor them and invest in them. Middle management is the hardest role in any organization because you’re managing in both directions. Maybe you used to have a tough boss but your only job was to deliver. Now you have all those same expectations from above but also a pile of people to deal with. It’s natural that the stress gets passed downhill.

So, that late-night texter probably has their own bad boss? It would be nice to hear that story.

It would. I do hear from a lot of bosses, and the majority say, “I love your videos because they remind me what not to be like,” or “They make me see that I’m actually a pretty good manager because I’m certainly not like that.” Other times people might say I’m being too hard on the manager or not thinking about both sides here. I actually love that because I want to be hearing different perspectives. Most of the time I’m siding with the employee—but not always. I’ve had stories submitted by the employee, and I’ve disagreed with them entirely. There are plenty of bad employees, too.

What advice do you have for someone dealing with a toxic boss?

My first advice, which is often very hard to act on, is to start figuring out your exit as quickly as you possibly can. Careers are far too short to suffer for a long time with a toxic boss. Toxic bosses rarely change. Don’t think that all bosses are like this and suffer in silence.

My next advice is to create clear boundaries. Toxic bosses are often just bullies. When you stand up to bullies, they back down pretty quickly. Even when they fly off the handle, you can very respectfully communicate your boundary. If they’re demanding something of you or emailing you too late, just say, “I will do that as soon as I’m back online at 9 a.m.” Then ignore them.

People are surprised how often they say that to colleagues or bosses and the person calmly says, “Great, thanks for letting me know.” You’ve just set a boundary. Now stick to it.

Read more from this issue of The Get:

1. How to save $10,000 and $100,000 on a Canadian salary
2. Money management for couples: For richer, not poorer
3. Stop getting duped by AI photos and shop online with confidence
4. Why can’t I find a job I like?