How to split the bill at dinner with friends—minus the social awkwardness

For this week’s Top Story, we’re looking at the social weirdness around splitting the bill and how to avoid it.

Dining out is fraught with etiquette dilemmas. How do you hold fancy silverware like Emily Post? How can you avoid being a cheap tipper—or an overtipper? And perhaps the thorniest situation of all: How do you split the bill tactfully and fairly when you’re out with a group?

Factor in a few complications—say, friends with a taste for sharing expensive bottles of Dom Pérignon while others sip water—and you have a recipe for social awkwardness when the bill lands on the table. When I ran my own (highly unscientific) opinion survey in my social circle, a few told me they always pick up the tab, specifically to avoid the awkwardness of splitting. 

Here, three Canadians share their thoughts and tips on bill splitting with minimal awkwardness.

“If you are conscious about what you can spend, be upfront”

Deidre Cross, budgeting expert and founder of Ohh You Budget, Toronto:

“I absolutely love this topic because I’m always on TikTok, so I’m watching the drama. People having fights over splitting the bill is such a hot topic. And the funny thing is the way that I handle it in my friend group now is different than I did in the past. We’ve evolved. What we do now is ‘whoever invites pays,’ and it’s been like that for a few years. We do this even though our income levels vary, as well as our tastes. There are friends who don’t drink, for example. 

“I’ve been eating out with the same friend group for 15 years, so we’ve seen each other when we were dirt broke, when we were bartending or serving, and now when we own businesses. In the past, we would get one cheque, and I would pull out my calculator because I’m always the money person. I’d add a gratuity, divide by the number of people and tell everyone how much they owe.

“What changed? There was no talk or mention of it, I just remember us evolving within our careers. So now, whoever invites covers the entire table. 

“If you’re in a situation where you’re conscious about how much you can spend, be upfront. I used to be $42,000 in debt, and at that time I would have no problem saying, ‘Oh, I can’t come. I’m doing a no-spend challenge.’ That worked for me. 

“Also, when you’re at a restaurant, it’s easy to just lay it all out before it happens, rather than thinking about it while you’re eating and counting and seeing who got a drink… You can say, ‘I’m just going to grab this and this, because I only have 40 bucks today,’ or ‘I can only spend this much.’ Or you can also tell the server, ‘Mine is going to be separate from the group. I’m just going to order this and this. Can I settle it right now?’ Be open about it.”

“I’ve used an app called Splitwise… It’s super efficient”

Eddie Lee, foodie and small-business owner, Toronto:

“Splitting the bill is the common approach, but how I do it depends on the situation. If we’re out celebrating a friend’s birthday, then we’d cover that person’s part of the bill at the end, for example. With larger groups of friends, if it’s family-style eating, we’ll split it evenly and individually. And if someone else drinks and we don’t? We just straight up say it: ‘We’re not gonna be drinking. Is that cool if you guys cover that?’ 

“For my bachelor party, other events and vacations, I’ve used an app called Splitwise, which has a free version. It’s great. Every time someone purchases something, they throw the bill into the app, and the total accumulates over time. It calculates everything depending on who’s splitting what item. And at the end, as you transfer costs to each person, it deducts that as well. So if you still owe someone money, everyone can see that. It’s super efficient.”

“If I say, ‘I’d like to invite you,’ inviting equals paying”

Julie Blais Comeau, chief etiquette officer and founder of Etiquette Julie, Ottawa:

“The best way to deal with the question of bill-splitting is being proactive. If you’re the organizer, you have to be really careful about your words. If I say, ‘I’d like to invite you,’ inviting equals paying. When I reach out to people, I’m inviting.

“If you’re not intending that, you could say, ‘It would be great to see you over dinner. What do you think of this restaurant? Here’s the link to the menu. Everyone will be on their own.’

“The other approach is to voice what you’re willing to do. If I’m not the organizer, I’m very comfortable with this. Do this early—as soon as everyone’s there.
Don’t wait for the bill. You could say, ‘I am so glad we could get together. I’m going to be on a separate bill tonight.’ This is much better than waiting until the end and having someone say you owe $100 when you only had the Caesar salad and not even a glass of wine.

“Or you could say, ‘It’s nice to see everyone. Should we all just split the bill this evening?’ Make sure whoever’s doing the math later is including the tip. If I’m doing the math, I’ll say, ‘We had great service tonight. Let’s go to 15%.’ You gain everybody’s accord. You tell them what it is you want: ‘Send an e-transfer to my phone,’ for example. You talk about the expectations. 

“Picking up the courage to have these awkward conversations will contribute to harmony in your relationships. In the end, you want this meal, this celebration, this time out together to be about the relationships, not about a transaction.”

Read more from this issue of The Get:

1. Is summer really the best time to move house?
2. Katrice Justice on teaching Gen Z about money
3. Do gift cards expire? And other questions about GCs in Canada
4. Can you open an RDSP after you turn 18?