You can’t say no to a wedding

For this week’s Reality Cheque, we’re looking at the etiquette around weddings and money for guests, whether they’re acquaintances, family or friends—and even those in the bridal party. 

Few of us would argue there’s anything better than a fabulous wedding on your list of upcoming engagements. While weddings are a joyful time to celebrate with family and friends, let’s be real: they also come with a hefty personal price tag. Not to be a buzzkill of romance, but these are exactly the life events that demand leaning into truth and being honest about whether you can actually afford to attend.

We know life in Canada is wildly expensive, and every loonie is top of mind for many of us. When it comes to the scope of modern nuptials, wedding planning platform Zola reports the size of guest lists hasn’t come down, despite what social media suggests. Its latest trend report, which surveyed close to 11,500 couples getting married, showed after years of buzz, intimate micro weddings are still not the norm—most guest lists are over 100 people, roughly where they’ve been for at least three years. 

Large parties translate to big spending for nearlyweds, and more RSVPs going out, the latter of which could mean receiving an invite to not just one event, but a few, including money showers, stag and doe fundraisers, bachelor and bachelorette trips and more.

Factor in that most weddings have also become multiday events, and you are looking at a very substantial social spend. It’s not just rehearsal dinners either. There are welcome parties, day-after farewell brunches, pool parties, you name it. These costs are often unexpected for family and friends, which could mean drawing on your emergency cash fund. Depending on your role at the wedding, you could be paying for travel, accommodation, pre-parties, ’fits, hair, makeup and of course gifting. 

What if you financially can’t swing any of this? Can you actually pump the brakes and say, “I don’t?”

Here, we tap into some expert intel to help you do what feels right for you and your budget this wedding season. We also tackle the biggest wedding quandary of them all: wedding gifts. Is it cool to give cash? How much? And, do you still have to give something if you’re not attending? 

If you can’t afford it, just say no

“Honestly is always the best policy,” says Nicole Natassha Goulding, bridal fashion stylist and creative director of luxury events company Chic by Nicole. “Don’t overexplain, don’t overextend. Just be honest and say it is not in your budget right now. And ask if there’s any other way you can support the couple. Essentially, if the response is met with something unfriendly, there’s nothing you can do; you can’t control how others react, you can only control what you say and do.”

Etiquette expert Susy Fossati, director of Avignon Etiquette, echoes this sentiment. If being a part of a wedding and attending it will cause financial strain later on, it’s not a viable option, she says. In today’s climate, Fossati believes most couples should be understanding and appreciative of this transparency, as they too are finding themselves navigating the high cost of living and wedding planning.

“Couples are absolutely more conscious of the price of weddings as they become aware of the reality of the price of venues, planners, photographers and other vendors,” says Fossati. “Clear communication, flexibility and empathy help create a more inclusive, respectful and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.”

How much money do you gift a just-married couple?

With inflation, and couples investing significant sums of their own money (not just their parents’) into their celebrations, it’s no surprise cash, and cash-based registries, like a honeymoon fund, are preferred wedding gifts. According to Zola’s wedding trends research, practicality has shaped this shift in gifting, with 27% of couples adding cash funds to their gift registry—up sharply from 16% in 2025. We know what couples want (coin!), but how much to give is the age-old dilemma.

“The guiding principle should always be to give what you can afford,” Fossati explains. “Though the cost of a place setting rule may still be a point of reference for some people, you need to put you and your financial well being-first. Rather than focusing on matching a perceived dollar amount. I always suggest keeping this thought top of mind for those when it comes to a wedding gift—the purpose is to celebrate the couple and reflect well wishes.”

Still want a dollar amount? Goulding says when it comes to gifting and amounts, this is the time to get granular with your thinking and what feels right. “I always suggest considering relationship proximity and how close you are to the people getting married,” Goulding says. “I would say the standard wedding gift for someone you are not super tight with is anywhere from $100 to $200 a person. I would definitely give a family member more than a co-worker that I only speak to Monday to Friday. How much more again is up to you to decide.”

“Gifting is such a personal thing and I always encourage thinking about not just your budget and what is comfortable for you, but where that couple is at in the life journey.”

Not going? Still send a gift

This is just good to do, and good for healthy, positive connections. If someone invites you to their wedding, that means something. You are special to them. Acknowledge that and send a thank you card and gift for the inclusion in their day.

“Choosing to not attend, for any reason, does not diminish the relationship you share or the joy of the moment.” Fossati says. “A gift, however simple, is a meaningful gesture that honours the importance of the day. It does not have to mean a significant cash amount. It can be as simple as a modest contribution or a personal token to express your support and sincerity. Ultimately, it’s the intention and thought behind the gesture that matters most.”

And if you get a rude or dismissive response to your wedding gift (we’ve all read those stories), that speaks volumes about the nature of your relationship with the couple. 

For “rich or for poor” isn’t every couple’s M.O.

Read more from this issue of The Get:

1. Why gas prices are only part of what’s pushing grocery prices
2. MVP: Karia Samaroo on why you’ve got cryptocurrency all wrong
3. With issues like the war in Iran and tariffs, how screwed is our generation?
4. Are entry level jobs dead thanks to AI?